I recently had to put my dog
"Sugar" to sleep. We had her for 15 yrs and we got her from the dog
pound. Sugar was my heart, my soul, my best friend. I was probably 9
years old when we got her. She was the only one who brought me joy
in my life. I would give her a thousand kisses a day. I know we had
her a long time and we were fortunate because usually dogs don't
live that long. I am thankful for the time my family and me got to
spend with her. She was like another human being.....well we treated
her like one. We got Sugar from the pound because we heard that
Chihuahua's help asthmatic people. My older sister had asthma but I
dont think it really helped by getting Sugar. I think my sister just
grew out of it. It might not have helped my older sister, but it
sure helped me to be the person I am today. Sugar made me happy so
much and she probably didn't know it. She would always sleep in my
bed with me. I just loved her being there. Her presence was better
than anything in the world. We spoiled her to death. We gave her
food all the time from the table and then she got fat so we had to
cut back on it because it was unhealthy. I moved out of my parents
house a couple times and I was so upset every time because I missed
my babygirl sugar. Just not being able to see her everyday broke my
heart. I remember when I was young, I use to let sugar sit at the
kitchen table when I was eating breakfast and I would give her some
of whatever I was eating. I only did this when I was alone because I
knew my parents would be mad at me if they saw Sugar sitting at the
table. I also remember when she used to chase after our neighborhood
dog "Rusty. Those dogs would be running so fast it looked like they
were running on there sides because you couldnt see there legs when
they would turn a corner. I sure do miss the good ol days. Sugar
loved to eat human food and she loved the sunshine and she loved the
heat. She would always sleep all the way under the blanket and at
first I was worried she would suffocate but all she wanted to do was
stay warm. She would always sleep at my feet and if I moved her by
accident, she would bite my toe. She loved to get patted on the butt
so much she would walk over to me and stretch across my legs just so
i would slap her butt. I guess it felt good to her skin. I thought
it was so funny. Sugar loved the sunshine so much...sometimes I
would catch her out there panting because it was so hot, but she
didn't want to come inside. She had her own blankey and pillow and
usually took over my blanket too.
I didn't care though because I loved that little dog. I thought me and my dog had an understanding that I was supposed to die before she did because I knew I couldn't live my life without her. Apparently she wasn't listening that day. That was good ol Sugar and her stubborn self. She did what she wanted to and felt it unnecessary to listen to us when we told her to do something. We got another dog about 2 years ago. A Yorkie terrier named Windsor. Sugar and Windsor would always play fight. Sugar would always instigate the fights. She was so crazy. She would do some fancy footwork and then stand over him as if she was daring him to move. Also if Windsor tried to get on the bed with us, she would run him off. She was a bossy lil ol dog but I loved her to death no matter what she did.
We took her to the vet only if she was sick because she hated to go to the vet. She would always be coughing and freaking out when we would put her in the car to go to the vet. I guess it was because the only place we took her when we put her in the car was to the vet. She wasn't much of a traveler anyways so when she was in the car, she knew exactly where she was going. I moved out of my house on Feb 6th, 2006 and that following Wednesday Feb 9th, my mom calls me and tells me I need to come see Sugar because she wasn't doing well. I was confused because 3 days ago when I was there with her, she was fine. I went to see her that morning and she was so weak. she wouldn't eat anything and would throw up what little she did eat. I thought maybe she just had a virus or something. She had lost a lot of weight and now that she wasn't eating she was losing more. When we took her to the vet, the doctor said he was going to give her some antibiotics to see if that would help her but he said that he didn't think it would and that her kidneys were failing her and that if it didn't help then we would have a decision to make. Of course, that's not what I wanted to hear, and I knew for sure that the meds were going to help my babygirl. So a week went by, I went to see her every night and I stopped by a restaurant and by the store to try to get her to eat anything. She did eat a little chicken and some Vienna sausages and some yogurt and pudding. I just knew she was going to get better. Later that week I couldnt get her to eat anything. She would just sleep all the time. I couldnt believe it. I couldnt believe the meds weren't helping and her life was coming to an end. I was in so much denial. I just knew she was going to make a miraculous turn around. Well the day she was supposed to go back to the vet for a checkup, I just figure maybe they would give her some other meds to try and help her. I was at work that day and my mom called to see if I was going to go to the vet with them. I was like yea Ill go. Then my mom said that she was going to put her to sleep because there was nothing else she knew to do. The words that I never wanted to hear were spoken. It was like someone had punched me in my stomach. I knew we would eventually have her put to sleep but I just didn't think so soon. I started crying at work because I couldnt believe I was fixing to put my babygirl to sleep. I got off work early to go spend a little time with her before we left to go to the vet. My mom had her locked up in the bathroom because she was throwing up everywhere. I opened the bathroom door and there she was just sleeping. I started crying because I knew what was going to happen that day. I just picked her up and carried her to my room and just held her and cried. It was such a beautiful day outside that day. It was like 70 degrees and sunny. I know how much Sugar loved the sunshine so I took her outside one more time. I just let her stand there in the sun and then she started shaking because she was cold. So I took her back inside and just sat with her until it was time to go to the vet. My mom, my sister, my step dad, and me went with Sugar to the vet. My sister and I sat in the backseat with her. I was trying my best to keep it together but all of a sudden I started crying and hyperventilating because I was so upset. I looked at Sugar and she was just looking around wondering what all the commotion was. When we got to the vet we just sat in the room waiting for the doctor. Sugar was walking around like nothing was wrong with her. She ran over to my sister and my mom and they were petting her and then she came back to me as if she knew something was wrong. She wanted me to save her and protect her...I just put her in my lap and was kissing her and telling her I was sorry and that I loved her. I didn't want to let her go when they came in to do what they had to do. They gave her a shot to put her to sleep. After that was done, we wrapped her up in her blanket like a baby. I carried her out. She was so heavy considering she only weighed like 10 pounds. On the way home i couldnt believe what had just happened. I felt like a murderer. I felt like I had killed her when it really wasn't her time to go. I still thought that she just had a virus. When we got home my step dad dug her grave while me and my sister laid on the bed with our dead dog. I swear on my life that I saw her breath. I started to freak out because I thought she was still alive. I just sat there and stared at her waiting for any sign of life. No sign though. She just laid there. When the grave was finished I carried her outside. I had bought her this little baby blue blanket from Wal-Mart a couple of months ago. We wrapped her in that and then we wrapped her in her big Charlotte Hornets blanket. When we got to the grave I just knelt down and held her and talked to her. Her head was all rolling around because I wasn't used to having to support it. I gave her 3 or 4 kisses on her snout because she never would let me do that when she was alive. She would always turn her head when I would try to kiss her on her snout. I kind of laughed because I was talking to Sugar and I told her that she never let me kiss her on her snout. Once again, I thought I saw her breathe. I was like "oh my god". I stared at her once again making sure that she wasn't alive. She didn't move though. My mom told me we could keep her out of the grave for a little while longer if I wanted to make sure she wasn't alive, but I knew if I kept her out longer that I would imagine it again and that my mind would be playing tricks on me. I told Sugar I love her and that I was so sorry for doing this to her and gave her to my step dad to put in the grave. I buried my heart that day. I felt so empty. I just wanted to die with her that day. I didn't feel like going on with life anymore nor did I have any reason too. The one thing that brought me joy and happiness was gone. That was on February 16th, 2006 that we put her to rest. Everyone says she was suffering and that we did the right thing for her but to this day I still feel like a murderer. Today is March 30th, 2006 and the pain has not gone away at all. If anything I think it hurts worse. I cry everyday because I miss my babygirl so so so much. I have had dreams that she was still alive and I have had a dream where they tried like 3 different things to put her to sleep but she was running around like the drugs didn't even phase her. I was so happy in the dream because I knew there was nothing that could put my dog to sleep. I was so proud of her being a strong dog and fighting the drugs in the dream. We are fixing to get a headstone for her real soon. My sister and I are trying to come up with a message we want to put on there. Neither of us have any idea what we want to put on there. I mean there is too much that I can say about Sugar. It all wont fit on a headstone. I plant pretty flowers on her grave every time I go to my parents house. I say hey and tell her I love her and I miss her and that I'm sorry for doing that to her. I would give anything to have her back. I would gladly give up my life just so she can have hers back. She was a great dog and didn't deserve to go out like that. She should have gotten to live longer. Her health should have been better. I'm so angry at myself because I feel I could have done something to her to prolong her life. I blame myself for what has happened. I dont think I will never get over her death. She will always remain with me, all of the memories, all of the good times we had together. Ill never forget her and no other dog will ever take her place. If I could go back in time I would have never put her to sleep. I miss her so much now and I wish she was here so I could hold her and kiss her and tell her I love her. Well I just wanted to write and tell you about my special little babygirl named "Sugar." RIP My sweet lil babygirl. ~Sarah
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